Yeah I can never sleep, its one of those times in a day where I am wishing for sleep but my mind has way to much to think about. So much to say to people that just can't be said. Its not that I am afraid to.... no its that I am not allowed to (supposed to). That's one thing anyway, another is that feeling in the pit of my stomach like I am being lied to but I can't figure out who it is that I know that's doing so. See already way to much thinking going on.
Then there is the feeling of my chest being squeezed so tight that I feel like I am going to burst into tears but I wont let myself. I would talk to someone but the only person I trust I barely if ever talk to anymore. I miss talking to this person too and I ask myself everyday if I should try harder if I should work harder on talking to said person... But then I think that if said person wanted to talk to me then said person would do so. With that thought it just brings that squeezing feeling back and makes things feel rather lonely. Sometimes when I get this feeling I let myself cry while other times I hide it away so no one has to worry. It has to go somewhere right?
In slightly better news I am going to be an aunty for the third time. My younger sister is having her third child, she found out today that she's 5 and a half weeks and she's hoping for a boy. Personally I think her eldest son is enough to handle but another boy in the family wouldn't be to bad. Though that's because there is little to no guys in the family that were not married in lol.
Well I am off to try and sleep, maybe, just maybe I'll be able to get a good nights sleep for the first time in a long time.